Of Mice and Men
by Rhinos.Vs.Unicorns
Summary: Well, boys.  The Big Time Rush boys face a new enemy when a huge mouse invades apartment 2J.  Just a dumb non-slashy little fic.  Only rated T for the swearing, really.


**A/N: What if I told you I was about to write the stupidest thing I've ever written?**

**You see, if you were in my room right now, you would know that I am hiding from a mother fucking ginormous mouse that has magicaly appeared in my room. It is under my bed, where I sent my lovely cat to KILL IT. And my entire room kind of looks like a dump, so really, it could be anywhere. I swear, it's watching me.**

**So that's why I decided to write this. Ridiculous, right? I thought so.**

_***~*~And in my utter stupidity, a story was born~*~***_

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!"

Kendall shook his head slowly when he heard James's scream from their shared room. He closed the door to apartment 2J with a click and went to see what was the matter.

"James, what on earth is going on?" he asked, not sure he wanted to know.

James was posed in a ready position, standing on his bed. He had a broom gripped in his hands with the top of it stuck out over the floor.

"You dind't see this fucker," James said in a low and serious voice, "it's almost as big as my dick. And that is LARGE."

Kendall raised his eyebrows, clearly confused, "And what is 'this fucker?'" he asked, making air quotes when he used James's term for whatever it was.

"A mouse," James replied with wide eyes, "a mother fucking ginormous mouse."

"So?" Kendall replied, raising an eyebrow, "It's just a mouse, James."

"A mouse IN OUR ROOM," James told him seriously, "Look around, Kendall," James motioned around the room, "It could be ANYWHERE."

The room was an absolute mess. Sure, they weren't hoarders or anything, but they were teenage boys. The floor was littered with multiple pairs of vans and skinny jeans, plaid shirts, beanies, t-shirts, boxers, socks, sweatpants, and the sort. There was trash all over the place, a red plastic cup here, a half eaten sanwich there. Better yet, they had pieces of paper and boxes everywhere. And under their beds, that was another question. It would be no surprise to find a used condom or two in THAT mess. Plenty of hiding places for a rabid mouse.

"Yeah," Kendall sighed, "the mouse could be anywhere. But still dude, it's a- did that sock just move?"

"Oh my jesus!" James screamed. He threw the broom in the general area of the sock, but the mouse was gone.

"Dude, relax," Kendall said, shaking his head.

Suddenly, the mouse ran out from under James's bed and Kendall got his first good look at it.

Kendall jumped up onto James's bed and grabbed James's arm. They curled into eachother and screeched at the top of their lungs.

"That's a _mouse?" _Kendall yelled. He couldn't believe it.

"I know, right!" James screamed back. The mouse had dissapeared again, but it had them both scared shitless.

"That is like the godzilla of mice!" Kendall said with a shudder, "Get the broom."

James pointed towards the broom with a shaky finger. "It's too far," he said, "I am NOT going down there."

"Well I'm not getting it," Kendall replied.

"What is going on?" Logan asked, suddenly bursting through the door. Confusion was written all over his pale face.

"There's a monster," James said seriously, "and we have no idea where it is."

"No idea," Kendall repeated with a nod.

Logan rolled his eyes and looked between the two boys.

"Why is there a broom on the floor?" Logan asked them. Sure, he was used to finding anything and everything on their floor, but a broom was something used for _cleaning_. Cleaning products and the such, now those were rare.

"I tried to kill the mouse with it," James explained.

"It's probably a good thing you didn't hit it," Kendall commented, "There would've been squished up mouse guts everywhere."

All three boys made disgusted scrunched up faces.

"Logie, would you grab that broom for us?" Kendall asked, "And maybe, you know, get the mouse?"

"Be careful," James warned as Logan started to reach for the broom, "this thing is huge."

Logan sighed and grabbed the broom. When he did, however, a huge brown thing scurried out from under an overturned magazine and under Kendall's bed.

"Holy shit!" Logan screamed. He dropped the broom and dove onto James's bed with the other two boys, who were clutching eachother and screaming like little girls.

"That thing better not touch my manspray," James threatened in a low voice, "or my mousse."

"I think it's going for the sandwich," Kendall hissed in disbelief when he saw the sandwich move a little, then dissapear into the pile of junk.

"Where did it go?" Logan asked in a high-pitched whisper. His eyes were bugging out of his head. "That mouse is a_ beast_."

"I warned you," James told him, "but you ignored me."

"You said it was a mouse! Not some sort of mutant man-eating mega-rodent!" Logan shot back.

"Dude, do you mind?" Kendall finally asked. Logan was lying at their feet, tightly gripping Kendall's ankles.

"Sorry," Logan replied, letting go.

"It's okay," Kendall told him, "I just wouldn't want to fall into... there." He made a sweeping gesture to the mess of a room before them.

The other two boys shuddered at the thought.

"What is going on?" Carlos asked, walking into the room with no idea.

"CARLOS!" all three screamed at the same time.

Carlos looked puzzled as he stood there. He was eating a bag of cheese puffs and examining the three boys huddled on James's bed, trying to figure out what was wrong with this picture.

"Guys! I have a plan!" Logan suddenly exclaimed.

"What?" Kendall and James chorused. Still standing, they leaned down to hear the genius tell them what they should do.

"Carlos can take his cheese puffs and make a trail out of the apartment, and then the mouse will get hungry and eat them. It'll gradually leave the Palm Woods entirely, and we will never see it again," Logan explained. He put his hands up when he spoke, imagining his vision come to life.

"It's genius!" Kendall hissed and put up a hand to high-five the smaller boy.

"Can we make the trail go to Gustavo's office at Rocque Records?" James asked. None of them seemed to think twice about how long of a trail that would be, and all just nodded agreement.

"Guys, what is this even abou-" Carlos began to say, but his thought was cut off by a shrill cry when he saw the mouse scurry out of the pile and under James's bed.

Carlos threw his cheese puffs into the middle of the room and jumped on top of Logan on James's bed.

"Dude, what the fuck?" James yelled at him, "We needed those!"

"That is a big ass mouse," Carlos squeaked in reply, "I panicked!"

"I have an idea!" Kendall yelled, putting a finger up in the air.

The others all turned their attention to Kendall and watched with wide eyes as he bravely reached over the bed. Kendall picked up a coat hanger and shook one of James's jackets off of it. He straightened it out and reached out as far as he could and stabbed one of the cheese puffs onto the end.

"Now," he told them, "we wait." He held the cheese puff and coat hanger out over the edge of the bed.

"This is why I clean our room every day," Logan said, reffering to his and Carlos's room, "that mouse could be pregnant and have a bunch of baby mice in that mess, and they coud have entire inbred generations of mutated mice and you would never find them all."

"What does that mean?" Carlos whispered to James in confusion.

"It means that the mouse is going to find one of my favorite prada shirts or something and lay its fucking mouse eggs in it and then its children will all fuck eachother and have a little reenactment of that dumb Oedipus Rex book we had to read freshman year in our room," James replied with a shudder. He spoke quickly, his voice rising in panic.

"And we would never know," Kendall squeaked.

"Mice don't lay eggs, genius," Logan told James.

"THIS IS NO ORDINARY MOUSE!" James yelled back at him.

"Guys! Shut up!" Kendall told them, "Now, we have to wait _quietly_ for the stupid thing to take the bait. Who wants to take the stick next?"

The four guys took turns holding the straightened out coathanger over the mess of the room. Finally, it came around to be James's turn, no matter how much he put it off.

"OH FUCK!" James suddenly screamed while Logan and Carlos were busy whisper-arguing about playing cards with helmets.

They all snapped their heads up and noticed that the huge rodent had bitten onto the end of the wire, eating away at the cheese puff.

Acting completely on instinct, James snapped the coathanger back and flung the thing against the far wall. It hit the wall with a thud and fell onto Kendall's bed, where it lay, unmoving.

"Is it dead?" Carlos whispered cautiously.

"I think so," Logan told him.

"Hey guys," Katie said from the doorway, "Have you seen my new guinea pig? It got out of it's cage."

James gulped and dropped the coathanger and four sets of eyes widened in fear.

"Run," Kendall decided.

_**~*~*So yeah*~*~**_

**A/N: Is it weird that a lot of this is based off of me and my friends? I mean, only certain parts, not the end or anything, but yeah. That's that. Review if you liked it, I suppose.**


End file.
